Photo: Deborah Cardenas / Unsplash
Compassionate communication is a critical aspect of caring for someone with dementia, says author Angela Caughey, who looked after her husband Brian for 12 years.
She talks to Jesse Mulligan about the advice in her book How to Communicate with Someone who has Dementia.
Angela Caughey - author of How to Communicate with someone who has dementia Photo: supplied
Angela says she was lucky that, unlike many people, Brian was quick to accept he had Lewy body dementia.
He suspected something was going on, insisted they see a specialist and was "almost relieved" to get the diagnosis, she says.
"He went and joined the Alzheimer's Society … He said 'Let's tell all our friends 'cause we're in an age group where they'll be getting it too and they can see how we cope."
Angela's tips:
Listen.
Don't be sarcastic.
Don't correct the person.
"If they say 'This meat's tough', you don't say 'It isn't meat, it's fish''.
Instead, offer something practical or sympathetic like 'Oh are you having trouble eating it?' or 'Maybe your false teeth are slipping?'
Learn to read their body language.
"If they turn away from you, you know that you're on the wrong track."
Don't ask searching questions.
"For heaven's sake, don't sit down with someone who has dementia and try and get them talking. Don't ask them 'What did you have for lunch today?' or 'Been on any good outings lately?' Because their head hasn't got time to get an answer for you."
Talk about your own life.
"Basically, if you're visiting someone with dementia it's a good idea to be very self-centred and tell them what you've been doing. Leave long pauses. Be comfortable with silence … 'cause they're comfortable with silence and they just sit there and their mind goes round and round and round. They might come out with something completely different but at least they'll be happy they're contributing."
Write a nightly journal.
"During the day things happen. Most of them are difficult. But if you sit down at night – you may be exhausted – but if you try and write about it, you learn. Then you can look back at it and next time similar things happen you have an idea how to react or how not to react. You find out what you've done that's good and what you've done that you must never do again."
Don't stick with a GP you don't communicate well with.
"If you don't get on with anyone that's dealing with you, change them."
Angela Caughey talks to Jesse Mulligan
The new book is a follow-up to Angela's 2013 book Dealing Daily with Dementia.
All royalties from her books are donated to Dementia Auckland.
Angela requests people interested in buying them do so through her publisher's website as the royalties will be greater.