New Zealand / Life And Society

Widower's daily pilgrimage up One Tree Hill in memory of wife of 69 years

16:40 pm on 13 November 2023

Russell and Mary Parrish on their wedding day in 1953. Photo: Supplied

A 96-year-old Auckland man has recently completed the monumental task of walking to the summit of One Tree Hill every day for a month. - and he was driven by love.

Logan Campbell Retirement Village resident Russell Parrish did it to remember his late wife Mary, who died in the village's dementia unit last year after 69 years of marriage.

Rain, hail or shine, Russell scaled the iconic Maungakiekie, and says the memories he shared with Mary in Cornwall Park were with him every step.

He also raised money for the Move for Dementia charity along the way.

"Unwittingly, I had become engaged. This was probably the best thing that ever happened in my life" - Russell Parrish

"My friends and I attended the Scottish Society country dances, and one evening two attractive redheads turned up at the dance and explained that they were country girls come up to Auckland to do their nursing training," he told First Up, recalling how he and Mary met.

"They were good fun and we all danced together… So we took them out to Auckland and said goodbye to them on Grafton Bridge. Mary was a nice girl and I asked her if I could see her again.

Russell met his future wife Mary when she and a fellow trainee nurse attended a Scottish Society dance. Photo: Supplied

"She said, 'Well, yes you can, but only on a friendship basis. When I finish my training, I'm going back to Thames to marry my boyfriend.' And I said, 'That's fine, I'm not looking to settle down.'

"I'm an only child and I'd always wanted a sister. Mary was just the sister I would like to have with no romantic baggage. We had a great time, relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, and this went on for about 12 months.

"Mary was very outgoing and this didn't always go down well with the old Scottish women and the Scottish Society who thought she was frivolous and forward and not a nice girl.

"One night we came home from a dance where she encountered the disapproval of the older people, and said to me, 'Oh, poor Don, all his life, he's going to be embarrassed by my behaviour.' And I said, 'I think he's a lucky man, I'd change places.'"

A week later Mary told Russell she had written to her boyfriend Don and called off the engagement.

"I said, 'Why on Earth did you do that?' She said, 'Because I'm going to marry you.'

"Unwittingly, I had become engaged. This was probably the best thing that ever happened in my life.

"Mary was a wonderful wife for the 70 years we were together, and the success of our marriage was mainly down to her good nature and her tolerance.

"At 39, I could no longer face working for a multinational, and one day I came home and told Mary.

"Here we were with five children and no job. I told them that I'd had enough. She never turned a hair, and when I suggested that perhaps the best way was to try and start a business of my own, she backed me entirely and helped me for 11 years as well as managing our five children."

Mary and her husband Russell joined the 'jogging craze' in the early Seventies. Photo: Supplied

In the 1970s, Russell and Mary joined the jogging craze. It was an advantage living near Cornwall Park in Epsom, which they used as their training ground.

"When age caught up on us and we could no longer cope with jogging, we walked for many years together. This we found worked very well to maintain our fitness.

"Mary and I were both loners in the sense that we didn't like group activities. Walking and jogging was something we could do on our own when we liked and when it suited us," he said.

Russell Parrish walked up One Tree Hill/Maungakiekie every day for a month in aid of Move for Dementia. Photo: Supplied

Fast forward to September 2023, and Russell started his challenge when he and his two sons - one visiting from the US - climbed to the summit of One Tree Hill together.

"After that I went up on my own at my own pace and it was amazing how quickly I accumulated a retinue of people who greeted me and wished me well. Some even stopped and walked with me and chatted with me.

"It was not my legs that gave me the trouble. It was my eyes. My eyesight was poor and during that period it deteriorated rapidly and I had to call upon my children to come and help me navigate the hazards of the trip.

"I'm proud of the fact that over those 30 days I walked to 155.5km. Elevation rise over that period was 5.5km, so it was the equivalent of walking up a 5.5km ladder.

"I like to think of that. It's a bit stupid I suppose, but it makes me feel that I have achieved something."

Russell was very open about his love for Mary. He said he felt prepared to speak more about his love and regard for her than many men might be of their wives.

"I enjoy the opportunity to speak of Mary. To me, our marriage hasn't finished. It's just that Mary's not present at the moment and it's very helpful for me to have this opportunity to walk through the park and think of the times we travelled there together hand in hand.

"I'm so grateful that I've had this opportunity to move into a secure, caring environment that has enabled me to weather these 15 months without Mary, that I am finding very difficult."

Russell said he didn't feel that his marriage with Mary had ended with her death, and summed it up with the words in a card from his daughter.

"Being married doesn't stop because one person's suffering has ended. Love continues forever."