Warning: This story discusses details of suicide and sexual abuse.
A former Gloriavale member has told the court her treatment at the Christian community made her suicidal, during a harrowing testimony on Wednesday.
Six former Gloriavale women are arguing that they should be recognised as employees not volunteers for the domestic work they did at the community. Photo: Google Maps
Rose Standtrue is one of six women arguing that for the domestic work they did for years at Gloriavale, they should have been recognised as employees, not volunteers.
Gloriavale's leaders deny the claims that the women were employees.
Standtrue told the Christchurch Employment Court she, like many other girls, was groped and touched inappropriately.
Standtrue, appearing by video link, sobbed when she admitted the abuse led her to contemplate ending her life.
"I just wanted my life to be over because I was miserable," she said.
"I wanted to commit suicide because I was really depressed and had anxiety and PTSD.
"And I felt that was the only way out of Gloriavale because I wasn't allowed to leave."
Standtrue described some of the Gloriavale leaders as "dangerous".
She also told the court of instances when she was sexually harassed by one of the leaders as young as "age eight or nine".
Standtrue said one of the leaders would grope her when she began on food serving duty.
"I certainly didn't appreciate his attention, his hugs, him trying to pull me closer to him, touch me," she said.
"When I was on, serving his table, I would get up extra early for breakfast and instead of helping my younger brothers and sisters get ready, I would run over [to] the kitchen and get the breakfast served before he arrived.
"I was afraid he would try and touch me."
Girls would begin serving tables around the age of eight or nine, Standtrue said.
Many of the men at the commune would look over the showers and touch the girls inappropriately, she said.
"Boys and girls are segregated from an early age and you're not supposed to mix with anyone of the opposite sex," she said.
"The girls are completely covered by Gloriavale clothing.
"I think it becomes an obsession for many of the Gloriavale males to find out what is under the clothing."
She told the court that her parents were reluctant to get her counselling when she was inside Gloriavale.
Standtrue said her family has mostly cut her off.
Pearl Valor resumed her testimony in the afternoon, having provided evidence on Tuesday.
She too became upset recounting her experiences.
Valor said a former leader use to coerce members to fast as means to cut costs.
"The first thing to go when they're trying to save money is the food," she said.
"It's used like a weapon.
"It was when Hopeful (former Gloriavale leader) was still alive."
She told the court as a young child she would get so hungry that she would eat the leftover curd cheese which made her sick.
Valor will continue her testimony in court on Thursday.
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