Watching your teenager get behind the wheel can be nerve-wracking for any parent, but it doesn't have to be scary, says neuroplasticity educator and parenting expert Nathan Wallis.
Wallis has recently teamed up with professional driver Greg Murphy and the vehicle safety and training provider AutoSense to run a series of road safety talks for young drivers and their parents.
Photo: Jan Baborak for Unsplash
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He told Kathryn Ryan that the teenage brain is "primed for risk-taking" and that teenagers don't have the same access to the part of the brain that you really need for responsible driving.
"They get an endorphin buzz from risk-taking so it is a dangerous period."
The teenage brain is naturally primed to believe that ‘I’m bulletproof’, so teenagers have a naive optimism that they’ll be fine - even when their anxious parents believe otherwise.
Wallis shared the following tips for parents wanting to minimise the risks for their teenage drivers.
Discourage passengers
Limits on when young drivers can take passengers, such as when they have learner and restricted licenses, are grounded in science, Wallis said.
"As soon as another teenager gets in the car, the teenage brain automatically shuts down to the limbic emotional brain. So you've got way more chance of having an accident.
"I don't think parents realise it. I think they just think it's about them needing a bit of practice by themselves first, but it's actually one of the most dangerous times."
Teenagers' brains are connected to their social interactions so their brain’s priority shifts from driving to their passengers - even if they've got those extra passengers when they are under adult supervision.
Don’t bother with defensive driving courses
"I think they're completely useless," Wallis said.
"Waka Kotahi did their own research to show that people who do the defensive driving course are absolutely no safer than people who didn't do the defensive driving course."
Talk to your teenager about the science behind the rules
Explain the science as well as come from the angle of 'I'm not trying to break your fun. I'm trying to keep you safe'," Wallis said.
"As far as communicating with teens, so much of it's about the emotional brain… You've got to make them feel competent, and then not being overly critical and constantly criticising."
Give them tools to deal with peer pressure
It's hard for the teenage brain to say no to another teenager, so Wallis recommends putting safety mechanisms, like code words and a 'get out of jail free card’ for when they are in potentially dangerous situations.
"I told [my kids] them that if they were getting in the car with a drunk driver, then they could ring me. And it didn't matter what time it was, I would rather come and pick them up," Wallis said.
"I [also] gave my kids a safety word. So if they text me or on the phone use the word “relay”… that was a code word to say ‘get me out of this dad, come and save me'. [That way] they don't have to look stupid. I just be the grumpy dad that rings up.
"I also give them a Get Out of Jail Free card. So even if they've done something wrong, even if they had maybe snuck out, and they didn't want me to know they'd snuck out but now they're in a dangerous situation, they could ring me and I would just come and rescue them, there'd be no consequences, no punishment," Wallis said.
"I needed them to know that they can ring me and not be scared because they’ve broken a rule."
Are you the best person to teach them to drive?
White-knuckling it through a driving lesson or getting angry at other drivers isn't the best way to role model good driving, Wallis said.
"I don't think I was very good at teaching my first kids to drive, with my white knuckles and holding on to the dashboard.
"That does not help them to calm down… So I learned how to parent in a way that didn't show any anger and be really positive and help them."
If you don’t think your child is ready to drive but they’ve reached legal age, Wallis suggests letting the teenager self-manage the lessons.
"When they asked for driving lessons I delayed a bit you know, and I didn't encourage them," Wallis said.
"I didn't say we're going for driving lessons but I let them completely self-manage because they're not very good at self management. It took a lot longer."
Stash the phone before you - or they - drive
A survey conducted by Wallis and Murphy concluded that the biggest concern for parents was kids being distracted by mobile phones.
"I know two people now that passed away because of texting and heard of a third, so it’s becoming more common," Wallis said.
Mobile phones are so commonplace, particularly for those who have grown up with them, that reaching for their device when it alerts is second nature.
"I have to actually get in the car now, turn the phone on silent and put it over the other side or in the glovebox so as not to automatically take a moment to look at it.
"And that moment is longer than we think… it's actually four seconds on average before I can focus on the road again."