Robyn Dandy wouldn't visit the site for decades, but says it has now changed. Photo: RNZ / Jimmy Ellingham
For decades a former patient of the notorious Lake Alice child and adolescent unit could not return to the site where she was abused.
But now she would like to see the psychiatric hospital's former water tower turned into a memorial - a permanent reminder of the cruelty dished out to her and hundreds of others.
The Crown Response Unit for the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in State Care says the idea is being considered.
With her dog Bonny at her side, Robyn Dandy walks the road that used to lead to Lake Alice, near the Rangitīkei town of Bulls.
As a teenager, in 1974, she was sent to the unit, which operated for most of the decade. Patients, many of whom had no mental illness, where sexually abused, drugged and subjected to electric shock therapy.
"The first time I came here for the blessing last year, I cried all the way here. I cried for myself, I cried for my brother [who was also in Lake Alice], and I also cried for the other survivors," she said.
"Once I got here, I was blown away by how everything had changed. I wouldn't come here for years, because all I saw were these ramshackle buildings and it was an awful reminder of what had gone on."
The buildings were long gone, and Dandy now wanted to see a simple memorial at the site of the 23-metre-tall, former Lake Alice water tower.
The 23-metre-tall water tower is visible from the nearby state highway. Photo: RNZ / Jimmy Ellingham
The tower was not the site of any of the abuse of unit patients, as far as she knew, Dandy said.
"The pain of what happened to us will never ever go away. We all know that, but I think this is so important, that their families and whānau and everything can come and sit here and really appreciate the beauty that's out here now.
"Lake Alice is gone. The old buildings are gone."
Owners, Scott Phillips and Trudy Reeves, listed the tower for sale late last year and had 40 interested parties.
The pair bought the site in 2017, intending to do it up as their house, but had since decided that could not work.
However, the 350-tonne concrete tower was off the market for now while they discuss the possibility of selling the site to the government.
Phillips said he and his wife were in contact with officials.
"The redress committee have been good, and talked to us, but it's not like we get weekly updates or anything.
"All we can do is wait as long as we can afford to wait. We see it as, this is the only chance they can ever have to buy it, because if we sell it to somebody else, they'll turn it into a house."
Water tower owner Scott Phillips and survivor Robyn Dandy would like to see a memorial on the site. Photo: RNZ / Jimmy Ellingham
Phillips was hopeful of reaching an agreement with the government.
"I know that if we put it back out there and say, 'Right, it's for sale', we would have a bunch of tenders on our desk by the weekend and probably have it sold straight away.
"Selling it to the government isn't about money. We obviously can't afford to give it away... but we want to be trying to do the right thing, because I like the idea of it being a memorial."
Since the sale listing, Phillips said he was having trouble with vandals.
He and Dandy hoped that would stop when people realised the significance of the site.
A statement from the Crown Response Unit said it was considering the issue and preparing advice for ministers to make a decision.
"This process may take some time, as there are a range of views among those groups with an interest in the site. They include survivors of abuse at the former child and adolescent unit, along with the local iwi and community," the statement said.
"Questions include whether there should be a memorial, and if so, the nature of it."
Among options being looked at were if the tower should be retained on the site, which could involve significant remediation work to make it safe, or demolished and another memorial structure built.
"It is important that the options are properly canvassed before decisions are made about the future of the site."
Dandy acknowledged some survivors would not want a memorial, but she, and others such as Paul Zentveld, were supportive of the idea.
She urged officials to act fast so the chance of buying the site was not lost. She could not see a suitable alternative site, she said.
Should the memorial go ahead, she envisages a garden area around the water tower, with some information boards acknowledging what happened at Lake Alice.
The site has a rateable value of $150,000, but its market value was likely to be higher.