Auckland divorce coach Bridgette Jackson knows from personal experience how difficult it can be to end a relationship with dignity and without regrets.
Like many people, Jackson was completely unprepared for what she describes as a "complex, expensive and prolonged high-conflict divorce".
"I thought there's got to be a better and a more positive way to do this, to go through the process. It's not likened to a tsunami or a roller coaster or walking through hot coals backwards blindfolded for no reason" she tells Kathryn Ryan.
Auckland divorce coach Bridgette Jackson Photo: Equal Exes
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The function of a divorce coach, Jackson says, is to help people develop a roadmap through the separation process that will save them time and money and also lessen the emotional toll.
Her business Equal Exes supports individuals and couples who are separating or considering separating to make the best decisions and avoid pitfalls.
A big part of preparing someone to navigate a separation is emotional management, Jackson says, and role-playing and scripting are used to help avoid the escalation of conflict.
"We say to them 'You want to have no regrets going through the process. And if you've got children they're going to be the ones who are massively impacted because it's parents first and children second. As I say to clients, Johnny, who's now seven, what is he going to say about your separation when he's 25 to other people? What is that going to look like?'"
When a couple "decimates" a relationship, children are massively impacted, Jackson says. A divorce coach will focus on whether a "positive" separation is at all possible.
"An intimate relationship may not work for you, but you can actually have a really effective co-parenting relationship moving forward, the kids, the kids are going to have clarity and stability, you're going to have a fair settlement. And you're going to find yourself again, because when you're in a relationship that's not serving you, well, you lose your purpose, and you lose your identity."
Shared goals are invaluable to help lead separating parties towards an agreement, Jackson says, and set the tone for an amicable separation.
"Are you wanting to ensure that your children are put first? Are you wanting to be able to have a really effective relationship moving forward? What does that look like for you? And what does it look like for you if that's not going to be the case?
"We do a lot of asking clients to think from the other person's perspective - put yourself in their shoes, what are they going to be wanting out of this?
"Some take us longer than others to get there but we're really proud of the outcomes that we get for people."
When a separating couple cannot reach agreement, a divorce coach will refer them to mediators for a more formal process.
"We want to avoid them having conflicts being escalated by lawyer-led discussions backwards and forwards, which obviously racks up huge bills."
Of the people who've had coaching from Equal Exes, about 85 percent have been able to get some positive resolution, she says.
"They come in overwhelmed and in a really bad state. And as they work with us through the journey, they become different people in such a fantastic way."
For those thinking about or "on the fence" with the idea of separation, Equal Exes offers a three-session programme that guides people to explore how it might impact different aspects of their lives and also examine the signs that may indicate whether they should stay or go.
Those who take this course often become return customers, Jackson says.
"People get so much clarity by the second session that they often [say] 'I've made a decision' and predominantly that decision is that they're going to leave, so we then start preparing them for separation."