In the upcoming Barbie movie, perfectly perma-tanned Ken bemoans his status as No. 2. Will he ever feel ‘enough’ compared to Barbie (she’s everything), or will he be doomed to live a life of blonde fragility?
While you ponder that question, we’re moving on to consider which New Zealanders might fit Ken’s well-moulded shoes. Here’s our starter list. Who would you add?
Look at those cheekbones! Is actor KJ Apa fit to join the Ken ranks? Photo: Screenshot
Actor Ken: He’s done time on Shortland St and Netflix show Riverdale, plus he’s a Samoan chief. What more credentials does actor KJ Apa need?
Everyone needs a Ken they can trust. Is Sir Ashley Bloomfield the one? Photo: RNZ / Angus Dreaver
Brainy Ken: As the public face of New Zealand’s Covid-19 pandemic response, and now as a professor in the University of Auckland’s School of Population Health, Sir Ashley Bloomfield has certainly proved that he’s smarter than the average Ken.
Taika Waititi and wife Rita Ora mingle with the other beautiful people at the 2023 Met Gala, New York. Photo: Matt Winkelmeyer/MG23/Getty Images
Celebrity Ken: Life in the dreamhouse could get overwhelming for the common-or-garden Ken, but Aotearoa’s own celebrity Ken Taika Waititi is well-used to hanging out with preternaturally perfect celebs and other famous people.
Social media influencer, cook and fitness coach Daniel Rankin comes as a set with pug Fraser (weight optional). Photo: Screenshot
Culinary Ken: He bakes! He sings! He dresses up his dog in hilarious outfits! Daniel Rankin (aka ManCanCook) will make your cake and help you burn it off too – he’s also a fitness coach. Special bonus toy: This Ken comes with cute pug Fraser (doggy costumes sold separately).
Here comes Silver Fox Ken, aka Sir Sam Neill. Photo: Ross Coffey
Gold Card Ken: Arise, Sir Sam Neill KNZM OBE, your moment in the sun has come. At 75, O’Neill’s long and distinguished acting career is more than enough to put him in the Ken Pantheon (the Kentheon?). Add in that he’s also an animal wrangler (real animals, not just computer-generated dinosaurs) and winery owner and it’s clear that age is no barrier for this Ken.
This Ken (meteorologist Dan Corbett) always takes the weather with him. Photo: supplied
Meteorologist Ken: Need a Ken you can trust in all conditions? Meteorologist Dan Corbett, best known for his sprightly turn on TVNZ’s news bulletins, is a Ken for all seasons (and he’ll be able to definitively tell you whether you’ll need to take a coat).
Smooth, rich, full of flavour... and that's just Teeks' coffee. Photo: Nespresso
Musical Ken: TEEKS has more soul than the average Ken, and he’s not afraid to show it. The award-winning singer doesn’t feature on the soundtrack of Greta Gerwig’s film, but his dreamboat tunes would definitely add to the Barbie house vibe. If TEEKS’ musical stylings aren’t to your liking, Turanga Porowini Morgan-Edmonds (the bass player in Alien Weaponry) could step up to the mic as Metaller Ken.
If it weren't for your Kens, where would you be? Photo: Screenshot
Quintessential Kiwi Ken: One comes from a long line of Wairarapa sheep farmers, the other’s a regional TV sportscaster who breeds Burmese cats and dabbles in ikebana. It’s hard to name one – or even two – more iconic Kiwi Kens than Ken Moller and Ken Smythe. This pair, created by national treasures Jools and Lynda Topp, have MC’d high-profile sporting events and delighted audiences across the motu. If anyone deserves a spot in the dream house, these two do.
Ah, the empowering scent of a former rugby player... Photo: RNZ / Nick Monro
Smelly Ken: Former All Black star Dan Carter wants you to spritz your cares away with a spray of his new eau de toilette, DC10. There's nary a whiff of stinky rugby boot or unwashed jock strap here, but much more Ken-friendly notes of "spicy crushed pepper, citrus zest and blue sage" among other things. A bottle of this "empowering and stirring" fragrance costs more than twice as much as a Ken doll, but will it bring as much joy to your whānau?
Basketballer Steven Adams is a shoo-in for Tallest Ken. Photo: PHOTOSPORT
Sporty Ken: A knee injury means NBA star Steven Adams hasn’t made the Tall Blacks squad for the upcoming Basketball World Cup, but there’s definitely space for him in the Dreamhouse (even if he’s at least a head taller than most of his other Ken kin at 2.13m).