'My dad is a super-hero': Four New Zealanders share what Father's Day means to them

Four New Zealanders discuss Father's Day - and being, or having, a dad - with Alexia Santamaria.

Allen Birch: 'The biggest reward is actually making a difference'

"I'd never really thought about being a foster father, but we ended up raising our grandchildren for three years until they transitioned back into their own family, and we were so pleased we could help we thought we could make ourselves available to others who might need it.

My wife Liz and I have fostered 30 kids over the course of 18 years - from babies who were just hours old to older teens who needed a bit of support. One came to us when she was 11 and didn't leave to go flatting until she was 19. She's still very much part of the family and rings or messages most days.

I've really enjoyed every kid we have fostered. We've had lots of babies and that's been all about feeding and getting up in the middle of the night, but I always saw our role as to make sure their first attachment was a secure and healthy one, so that when they move on they have the skills to form more attachment. One of those babies came to us when he was just two hours old and stayed with us till he was six months old. Now he's going on 15 and we're his grandparents as far as he's concerned. He comes and stays with us every school holidays, and him and his parents spend Christmas with us every year.

It's not for everyone I guess. A lot of kids turn up with baggage and take time to trust you. There might be broken windows and things thrown around but we both believe there's no such thing as a 'bad kid' and often it doesn't take much to turn them around and point them in another direction and show them a bit of love and show them they are worthwhile. And we're really lucky it's a true family affair - our kids have always understood what we were doing and have very much been involved.

Every child we've had has taught us something different. Apart from the enjoyment of helping these kids, it's been a real learning curve. You're always learning something new; you might think you know everything about parenting and then another child will come along and you realise there's still so much more to learn. We once got an excellence in foster care award at Government House and that's really nice, but the biggest reward is actually making a difference, or having a kid who comes for two weeks and says 'I want to stay here forever!"

Christian George: 'I loved my dad so much'

"I lost my father when I was a child in really traumatic circumstances. It changed the course of my life, but not all necessarily for the worst.

My dad perished in a purposely-lit fire when I was seven and living in Te Awamutu. It was really awful because it became a criminal investigation which took weeks. As kids we hoped and prayed the body in that house wasn't his, so it was so hard when they eventually confirmed it was.

We went through some pretty dark times and I was struggling at school too as I'd had a stroke when I was three that really affected my school work. Mum was in a bad way. Dad was a great guy, he was really popular and charismatic, and we all missed him so much, but after some time she rallied and came back in full force. She is a very strong Samoan woman at heart. When people would bully me or I had problems at school she stepped in and taught me to be strong. When I was scared she told me there were guardians at the top of the driveway. When we celebrated Father's Day we always talked about Dad but we always bought chocolate for Mum; it was about her - it still is. When Dad was gone she worked, she kept our household above water and she looked after us and taught us the things that we needed to know.

I loved my Dad so much - he was awesome, and I have fond memories of him taking me around on the farm he worked on as a share milker. We would get up together at 4am and I remember sitting on his lap on the motorbike eating raw turnips, of all things. There was a field of them up by the cows and we would eat them together as the sun rose. By the time we'd finished, the cows would have taken themselves off to the milking shed.

I do reflect on what my life might have been like if he hadn't died, and I really wonder if I would have ended up a gay actor living in Auckland. I'm not sure I would have. I think if he'd lived, I might have attempted a trade, and maybe even had a house and wife and kids! I might have had more money! I loved farm life so maybe that's what I would have done.

So it's weird in that at 25 I still miss him so much, but his passing away actually changed my life in a lot of good ways. I really enjoy where I am and who I am now. And there's a part of me who's gone through a really, really dark period in time and now there's this strange ease to assuming joy or a lighter point of view and trying to move through life not being too weighed down."

Wayne Abraham: 'The way I parent changed when my father died'

"I'm a father of three and now a grandfather - which is lots of fun. I think the way I parent changed a lot when my own father died which was the start of my journey into immersion into Māori culture and language.

My father was old school - the 'spare the rod spoil the child type' - and he would never spare the rod! Although I resented him when I was growing up, I learned to forgive and understand and love him dearly later in life. We always had a sense of his expectations and discipline, and as a father I have those too - just without the rods.

His funeral was a big turning point in my life - six urban boys and a sister at a tangihanga that was conducted all in te reo. All these people came to acknowledge our father, including the late Labour politician Parekura Horomia - but none of us knew what they were saying.

That was when I decided to immerse myself in our Māori language and culture. I was a youngish father to a 14-year-old girl and seven-year-old boy and then a year later, my wife and I had a girl who was raised in te ao Māori - she had no choice. This desire to reconnect with my culture eventually took me back to the place I call home - Te Araroa - where I was introduced to tertiary education. I could immediately see this was the key to becoming an active contributor to my community.

So from a pretty urban life in Auckland, I'm now a principal at Tumuaki o Tikitiki School in Gisborne. At age 42 I started my first year as an educator in a total immersion unit in Grey Lynn in Auckland, but have since gone back to the coast. I'm a grandfather now too - that's definitely softened my once-calloused core. I still have expectations like my dad, but with my moko there are times when there is little or no discipline!

While I'm lucky to get to be a father and grandfather - and to help guide and influence kids who have been in my classroom, there really are very few to no men in our schools and that can be sad, as many boys miss out on having a male figure, especially when they have no active father in their own lives. I now really understand the role that I can play - not only to positively influence my own family but also the other whānau that come into my care through the school."

Samuel Calero: 'My dad is a superhero'

"I'm a Colombian refugee teenager living in Hamilton. I'm 15 years old and I go to Hamilton Junior High School. I'm in year 10 and I love playing soccer. I love my dad because he is a great human being. He guides me and teaches me and supports me and wants me to have great chances in life.

My father arrived in New Zealand in January 2018. Unfortunately, I could not arrive with them because I was with my mother for security reasons. After three years I came to live with my dad and his wife in Invercargill. Because I didn't have much support or opportunity to enter a soccer school, and my dad's health was deteriorating, we decided to move to Hamilton where we have found a lot of support from the Colombian Community Trust and the Waikato Refugee Forum.

As a Colombian, I miss our food like bandeja paisa, arroz con pollo and some of our delicious tropical juices - and our culture. I miss my mother, however I really like my new life in this country, since I had the opportunity to fulfil some of my dreams, such as being part of the volunteers of the FIFA in the Women's World Cup. I have two brothers, one is Brandon who is 23 years old and the other is Dilan who is 9 years old. We share the same passion for soccer and are preparing to become the best soccer players in New Zealand.

For me, my father Fernando Calero, is a superhero because he has taught me the value of family, respect for others and respect for life itself. He has taught me that it is not just dreaming but working that makes us achieve our goals. And that he will always be there to support me. He has played a very important role in my life.

I'm sure refugee fathers are very special because they leave their country to protect the life of their children and their own. I think New Zealand fathers do not experience the violence that exists in our country so it's a bit different why Father's Day is so important. For us it's not just a simple day - it is a day we can cherish the opportunity to be alive and together."