Former Silver Ferns' defender Kayla Johnson thought she would never play elite netball again after having her first child.
Kayla Johnson Photo: PHOTOSPORT
Johnson's been named in the Stars for next year's ANZ Premiership after two years in Australia with her rugby league playing husband Shaun Johnson, who's returning to the Auckland based Warriors.
Johnson (née Cullen) gave birth to their first child last year, a baby girl.
Speaking to media from MIQ, Johnson said her goal was always to come back to elite netball, but after giving birth she thought she wouldn't physically be able to.
"Just the state that my body was in ...I wouldn't say it was a terrible birth but it wasn't a great birth and I wasn't able to walk properly for about a month after, so even just being able to walk was a huge milestone for me," Johnson said.
"Running, jumping all those things used to come so naturally and so easy to me and then after having a baby those things are just so much harder than you would ever think they would be.
"I guess I wasn't in the right head space at the time but I think I was telling myself that I would never be able to play again because of the state that my body was in ...it genuinely felt like I didn't know who's body I was in."
Johnson said it's probably been the toughest journey she's ever had to face.
"Juggling mum life and trying to get in the training loads I needed to. Now I'm [coming] home I will have a lot more support with family and friends."
It's been at least two years since the 29-year-old played at the elite level.
Johnson was called into the New South Wales Swifts as a temporary replacement player late in the 2019 Super Netball Season and signed on with them for 2020 but later announced she was expecting her first child.
After underestimating how long it can take to come back from the 'postpartum journey', Johnson said she wouldn't take her body for granted again.
"I have been really committed to working on my body every day ...it's finally starting to feel like my own again.
"I think that was when I knew I could do it and I could come back and not just be, I don't want to just be a passenger, I want to be a great player, I don't want to just be on the bench ...I want to be great," Johnson said.
"I'm here now, I'm definitely not in the best condition I've ever been in, it's still a work in progress and I'm committed to getting back to my best."
Kayla Johnson in action for the Stars Photo: © Photosport Ltd 2017 www.photosport.nz
During a short visit to New Zealand a couple of months ago, Johnson was looking for a good blow-out and messaged Stars' coach Kiri Wills to see if she could train with the squad.
"I guess from the trainings I had with them she ended up wanting to have a meeting with me about 2022 and that obviously eventuated into this."
The versatile Johnson has played just about every position since starting her elite career - so where does she see herself playing next year for the Stars?
"I think my preference would be a wing defence, goal defence. I did mention that I would be happy to play centre and I think Kiri [Wills] was very happy about that. Wing defence is probably my preferred position at this stage but I'm pretty flexible."
A prodigious talent from a young age, Johnson's career has been stunted by cruelly timed injuries, including two ACL knee reconstructions.
In 2018 she was forced to withdraw from the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games while she dealt with an ongoing knee injury, which then ruled her out of the entire 2018 ANZ Premiership season.
In 2019 she had limited court time with the Stars as she continued to rehabilitate and missed out on a place in the Silver Ferns' Netball World Cup squad.
She said that was still a mental hurdle she would have to get over.
"I noticed even in my 2019 season I was probably not 100 percent in for every ball that I was going for, it was more like 70 to 80 percent going for a ball.
"Because I had in the back of my mind thoughts of 'Oh I'm going to pull out because I may get injured' that kind of thing.
"That's definitely something I'm going to work on this year because I know my body is 100 percent capable of getting these balls but I think it's just that mental hurdle that I need to overcome."
Johnson made her Silver Ferns debut in 2011 and has 47 Test Caps.
She is very much on the radar of Silver Ferns' coach Dame Noeline Taurua, who approached her a few months ago to see where she was at, with the Commonwealth Games approaching next year.
"Kayla is definitely one of those players who has X-factor and has the ability to turn over the ball so I'm really happy that we can hopefully get to a space where she will be out on court and we can get her into our training camps," Dame Noeline told RNZ.
As for Johnson, who hasn't played at a Commonwealth Games yet, she says she's still got a lot of work to do just to be ready for the Stars.
"But it's definitely in the back of my mind and I'm hopeful that I will be somewhat ready to have a crack."