2024 in one picture. Photo: AFP / RNZ / Waiōrea Community Recycling Centre / Josh Drummond / Poppy Prendergast / Getty Images / Judith Collins / supplied
Recap - While New Zealand might be leaving 2024 with fewer reporters than it started, no one told the news - so it just kept happening. Rude.
Luckily, RNZ was there to cover it all - whether it was about brain worms, brain computer chips or brain rot, we were there. Or at least somewhere with access to a computer where we could stick it online.
Here are some of the strangest, oddest and most brain-tickling stories RNZ covered in 2024.
January
Mysterious 'Big Ring' found in space 'must surely be telling us something' - astronomer
The 'Big Ring' of "galaxies and galaxy clusters" is apparently "by no means the first likely violation of the cosmological principle", RNZ partner BBC News reported, definitely an inauspicious start to the year. Just send us an obelisk next time, ET.
Mystery envelope containing $5000 cash handed to Auckland pensioner by young man who runs away
"He knows of no debt that was ever to be repaid, favour not recognised or betrayal to be made good," RNZ's friends at the NZ Herald reported. Must have been a landlord?
Mystery of disappearing gnomes in Hastings appears to be solved
Officers discovered an array of animals, gnomes, fairies and other creatures in the garden of a suspect they were visiting after receiving a tip-off.
Elon Musk's Neuralink implants brain chip in first human
While many people who valued their brains fled X (formerly Twitter, I'm obliged to add) in 2024, one brave person in January let Elon Musk stick a computer chip in his brain - which they then used to play Civilization VI. Achievement unlocked.
February
Rogue digital billboard pokes fun at Waka Kotahi
A digital billboard poking fun at Waka Kotahi appeared near an intersection in New Plymouth in February, featuring several tongue-in-cheek jibes at the transport operator.
Mystery surrounds tongue in cheek digital billboard placed by an intersection where Waka Kotahi has recently finished work. Junction Road and State Highway 3. Photo: RNZ / Robin Martin
March
Winston Peters told to stop using Chumbawamba hit 'Tubthumping' at rallies
It sounds like a headline written via Madlibs or by ChatGPT, but this really happened.
"Is he just being antagonistic about it now? Is that his thing?" Chumbawamba singer and sweet summer child Dunstan Bruce told First Up.
US says UFO sightings likely secret military tests
Of course that's what THEY would say. This could be a case for Mulder and Scully.
Rare 'UFO cloud' has Aucklanders' eyes on the skies
April
Swipe card found in Antarctica years after being lost in Wellington
RNZ Concert senior music producer David McCaw lost his Wellington Town Hall swipe card in 2003 when his car was broken into, and somehow it ended up in Antarctica. Scientists found it in 2016, but progress from there was glacial - get it? Snow joke.
Military horses break free, rampage through London
It's time to play real life or Blackadder? Not only was this real life, it happened again just a couple of months later.
An American journalist read her own obituary online, and soon discovered the strange world of obit pirates
RNZ partner ABC News explains: "Anonymous internet fraudsters use search engine optimisation (SEO) to identify people looking up the name of someone who has recently died."
So just normal sickening internet stuff then. Carry on.
May
Mystery Roman artefact sparks wild speculation
Found during a dig in the place where Walt Disney's ancestors hailed from, the 12-sided object was likened to a dog treat dispenser, a spaghetti measure and even a measuring gauge for slingshot. Expect it to appear in the next Indiana Jones film.
The mysterious object. Photo: Norton Disney History and Archaeology Group
June
Photo box mystery: 'Massive' collection of family snaps found in sewing machine case
The photos covered a century, up to the early 2000s, with the only clue being the name 'McDonald', which didn't really narrow it down.
July
Vegan cafe turns to meat to stay afloat
No, a mostly vegan café in Auckland did not literally turn to meat - but started selling "ethical" meat to pay the bills.
"I think if we didn't do this, we wouldn't survive," the owner said, immediately nailing the vibe of a true red-blooded meat-eater.
Woman calls police after mistaking 'realistic' sex doll for body
"When it was on its back, it had everything... it was very realistic," Taranaki woman Alice Cowdrey told RNZ, not worried that going on the record would forever tie her name in search engines to the phrase "headless sex doll".
A headless sex doll inexplicably found on Tapuae Beach, Taranaki. Photo: Alice Cowdrey / supplied
Mystery milk bottles confound Alexandra residents
A contender for best opening line of the year goes to reporter Soumya Bhamidipati: "As Alexandra residents wake to another cold morning, a silent figure slips into the mist. They leave no trace - except for another bottle of flavoured milk dumped at a local petrol station."
And a contender for quote of the year too from fuel stop operator Poppy Prendergast: "Look, I hate to say it but I think it's got to be a man. I've never met any woman that drinks that much flavoured milk."
The mystery only deepened when CCTV footage was obtained.
August
Nothing funny happened in August.
September
Aussie breakdancer Rachael 'Raygun' Gunn ranked world No. 1
When Paris was awarded the 2024 games back in 2017, no one could have predicted the breakout star would be an Australian who could not dance, especially as she was competing in a dance competition. Despite getting a zero score at the Games, 'Raygun' somehow ended up the sport's top-ranked competitor.
Australia's Rachael Gunn, known as Raygun, competes in the women's breaking dance at the Paris Olympics. Photo: Odd Andersen/AFP
Have you seen a blue ute with a bright pink door in Wellington? Karen O'Leary wants it back
Not sure this counts as weird news, but it's certainly a weird headline if - like me - you weren't immediately aware who Karen O'Leary was.
New 'ghost shark' discovered in New Zealand waters
No, you can't touch it. Seriously, they live more than 2500m below the surface of the ocean. Spacehead.
Mystery flower rearrangement at Upper Hutt cemetery outrages families
It's never a good sign when real life imitates a Curb Your Enthusiasm plotline, but this is 2024.
Government to launch AI chatbot called Gov-GPT
Having solved every other problem, in September the government launched its own AI chatbot - the announcement arriving with an AI-created image of Judith Collins as an astronaut. I swear this is true.
October
Donald Trump rally turns into bizarre dance-a-thon
We all know this list could have just been a Trump campaign diary, but sticking to just one incident, it had to be the "GREAT EVENING" (his words) in October which saw him gyrate on stage to the Village People and Guns n' Roses instead of doing whatever it is US presidential candidates are supposed to do.
We can mock, and Kamala Harris certainly got stuck in, but he did end up winning. Covfefe.
Pranksters rename New Zealand schools on Google Maps
Nelson College for Girls was dubbed Yoza highschool (I have no idea what this means), while Rathkeale College in Masterton was renamed the Huak Tuah College of rizzcraft and sigmatry (unfortunately - sigh - I do know what those mean).
Quasi leaving Wellington after five years perched on city's art gallery
The job market has gotten so bad in the capital, there's no longer any place for a gigantic terrifying hand-man.
Decision to remove Luxon artwork from Trade Me 'weird' - artist
Kiwi artist Josh Drummond painted a rather terrifying portrait of Christopher Luxon for charity, which was removed from sale on Trade Me for being "material of a suggestive nature and/or graphic iconography". Drummond was not impressed.
"The original idea was to have Luxon's head popping out from a wall of flesh, which was the meaning a lot of people got from that King Charles portrait... I found that the photo reference I used for Luxon wasn't working with that wall of flesh idea so I was like: 'Oh I'll make it more of a tunnel.'"
Photo: Supplied / Josh Drummond
Christopher Luxon responds to attention on Wellington apartment sale
Well-off businessman sells property to make a tidy, possibly tax-free profit? Not really a headline. But when that man is the prime minister and immediately afterwards boasts that he's wealthy? What I say to you is… yikes.
At least he might get an award - of sorts - out of it.
November
Aotearoa has multiple clouds so unique they have names
Unique names aren't really New Zealand's forte, so when it was discovered we'd put more effort into naming clouds than our main islands' colonial names, of course it made headlines.
Stowaway seal makes surprise visit to offshore gas platform
A Department of Conservation expert said it topped her list of bizarre places where seals have turned up. Her only other example was one that got through a cat door, so yes, she was probably right.
Gang member charged after walking into police station wearing Mongrel Mob hat
Russia fines Google $20,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
The first time RNZ ran this story, it literally broke the homepage.
Police vehicle crashes into limo carrying Christopher Luxon and Nicola Willis
Ram-raids were down over 2024, but ram-raids by police officers on ministers of the Crown were up infinity percent.
School ditches traditional bell for AC/DC and Muppets
Locals signed a petition calling it "noise pollution", perhaps entirely unaware one of AC/DC's biggest songs states definitively that it is not.
Plan to relocate Westport
To paraphrase an earlier paragraph, it's never a good sign when real-life imitates The Simpsons (President Trump, anyone?). In November a draft master plan proposed relocating the entire South Island town of Westport a bit to the southwest - in the long-term, not "next month", master planning project lead Paul Zaanen helpfully noted.
'Close to McDonald's': Auckland real estate agent lures buyers with cheesy sell
In November, our friends at Stuff reported a real estate agent using a property's proximity to McDonald's as a selling point. He talked up its distance in terms of how long it would take to walk there however, perhaps losing those eyeballs just as quickly.
December
New Zealand man wins Spanish Scrabble championships despite not speaking Spanish
If this headline sounds familiar, it's because you've read it before - except last time it was French.
But don't get despondent if you suck at Scrabble, because Mattel this year released a non-competitive version just for you - yes, you with the letters K, W, Y, J, I, B and O.
Woman arrested with 10kg of meth wrapped as Christmas presents at Auckland Airport
With another one of his mules captured, authorities in December got a step closer to bringing down Santa.
Rawiri Waititi says Luxon may be 'drop-nuts' if he doesn't attend Waitangi Day
British political stoush over sandwiches
In an interview Conservative party leader Kemi Badenoch suggested sandwiches were not real food and lunch was "for wimps". In response, a spokesperson for British Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer said sandwiches were a "great British institution", particularly cheese toasties.
Since this is RNZ I did the research (well, I read the Google search AI summary) and it seems both sandwiches and cheese toasties are indeed British.
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