Opinion - When it comes to 'Sandpapergate', the Australian cricket team seem more ashamed at getting caught than actually doing anything wrong, writes Jamie Wall.
Some of the media reaction from across the Tasman to Australia's cheating. Photo: RNZ
Here we were thinking the talk of the weekend regarding a cricket ball would be the pink one that the Black Caps and England are using at Eden Park. One bit of sandpaper later, and all of a sudden it's the biggest Australian cricketing disgrace in years.
Of course, for cricketing folk outside of the land of the baggy green cap, what's been immediately and unoriginally dubbed 'Sandpapergate' is hilariously fascinating.
For those unfamiliar with ball-tampering, it goes like this: it's legal to shine one side of a cricket ball when you're fielding, in order to manipulate the physics of a delivery and get the ball to swing. It's not legal to purposely scuff up the other side, which offers a far quicker way to achieve asymmetry.
The Australians somehow managed to transcend their legendary levels of immorality by blatantly using a piece of sandpaper on one side of the ball in their test match against South Africa. Skipper Steve Smith and player Cameron Bancroft have openly admitted it. This moves them into move into firmly into James Bond super-villain territory in the eyes of the public worldwide, a place that they were they probably were anyway among New Zealanders used to years of Australian skullduggery on the cricket field.
The Aussies already were the guys everyone hated, anyway. In keeping with that persona it's obvious that, in pure bad guy fashion, they're more ashamed at getting caught than actually doing anything wrong.
It's why their recent Tri Series win in New Zealand seemed somewhat empty. Of course, it's mainly because they won convincingly, but they seemed to do it without any fuss, sledging and in general good humour. It's actually more insulting that the Australians didn't stoop to some underhanded tactic to beat the Black Caps, because it means that they weren't even pushed to that limit.
Sport embodies the achievements of human endeavour, the ability to triumph against all odds, and the bringing together of different cultures to compete and enjoy something. Moments of positivity are easily generated on any field of play, because it generally takes something exceptional to win in any match, game or fight.
Australian fielder Cameron Bancroft with the ball during the fourth day of the third Test cricket match between South Africa and Australia. Photo: AFP
But, every now and then, something like this happens. A moment when sports strays into the grey area, and an individual or group are snapped cheating. It's the time when actions get boiled down to just a couple of iconic words, which becomes even more contagious in the era of the hashtag: Sandpapergate. Deflategate. The Underarm. Haden's Dive. Player X.
In the years to come, that's what we talk about most. Even those with the most basic knowledge of sport can put them together a decent list of cheating moments off the top of their head.
It's a reminder that sport, like life, has its fair share of bad guys as well as good. There's always someone out there who'll do whatever it takes to get what they want - but at least in this context it's fully exposed for what it is. Just like sport being an aspirational projection of human values, this ball-tampering episode serves as a lesson in life to anyone attempting to bend the rules that you ought to think twice before reaching for your metaphorical sandpaper.
However, at the same time, let's face it: getting an affirmation of your normally irrational dislike of a sports team feels pretty good, too.