'I felt like I was being punished' - Former Black Ferns captain speaks out

Former Black Ferns captain Les Elder has revealed her personal struggles after being ousted from the team and being ignored during the team's World Cup celebrations. Speaking with Mere Baker on the Finding Wahine podcast, Elder connected the fallout from the disastrous 2021 tour of England and France and subsequent damning review into the culture and environment of the Black Ferns to her own "painful" exit from the team.

"I was sad, for a long time," said the 22-test Elder.

"2022 was one of the hardest years I've had personally."

The review happened early in 2022 after replacement hooker Te Kura Ngata-Aerengamate said she had a "mental breakdown" on the tour because of coach Glenn Moore's alleged critical comments. Elder was part of the review, which led to Moore stepping down and being replaced by former All Black coach Wayne Smith.

She then suffered an Achilles injury and missed the initial selection for that season's Pacific Four series and was never recalled to the squad under a cloud of ambiguity. It was never revealed just what the affliction was or how long the team's incumbent captain would be side-lined for. Many mistakenly believed that Elder had contracted a long form of Covid, given that reporting on the illness was still a grey area for privacy.

In reality, Elder had been told to "go away and work on herself".

"When the new management came in April, they told me to get my mind right. Where I disagreed was 'that's gone now, it's been dealt with', it was a fresh slate to start with and I was ready for that. Let's look forward, but they thought otherwise. I was told to go away and work on myself.

"I couldn't understand what that meant… I think where we got to was that I'd just come off five months off heavy stuff, with the review, the tour… I felt like I was targeted for the role I played in the review. It might not be right, but that's how I felt - that I was being punished. And so, I just doubted myself and everything, as a rugby player, as a captain. I doubted whether I got too involved and was I playing the price for that. Not making that team was hard and it continued to be hard because of the treatment of us players who didn't make the team. We kinda were just forgotten, that's how we felt."

Despite the situation, Elder said she did not regret the role she played in the review.

"If anything, it's the proudest thing I've ever done, because along with other people, I contributed to some systematic change."

By the time the World Cup came around, Ruahei Demant had taken over the captaincy under Smith's regime, while Elder had joined Sky Sport's team of commentators. She performed the Black Ferns haka on the edge of Eden Park before their first game.

"I actually felt really uncomfortable, I'm not in the team… the attention's on the team, don't try and bring it to the corner of the field. But then I guess again, being Māori I felt the wairua. That was one powerful haka… for me I'm like, I'm still part of the team."

However, despite being part of the commentary of the thrilling final that the Black Ferns won, Elder was left embittered in the aftermath.

"A real hard moment for me was the night of the final. My younger brother sent me an Instagram story of him at a party holding the World Cup, I didn't even know where that party was. We didn't even get an invite, we were still training every day, we were needed to fill in and we were ready and didn't even get an invite. Those were the things that put salt into the wound. And it took me a long time to move past that… and forgive that."

As well as going into detail in the podcast about the challenges the Black Ferns faced on the 2021 tour, Elder also touched on the struggles of IVF treatment and the personal tragedy of a miscarriage, which she said helped put things in perspective.

Elder officially retired after the 2022 Rugby World Cup, having played 22 tests and leading the Black Ferns nine times.