'It feels like your child has died': Mum says she feels powerless to help teen son who continues to offend

A mother whose teenage son was caught up in the youth justice system for three years says it felt like her child had died because the person she saw every day was not her son.

The stress of what she had been through had been "unimaginable", she said.

"We didn't know day to day whether he was going to die, whether he was going to kill someone in a car, whether he was going to overdose. It actually feels like your child has died, because what you are seeing every day is just not your child."

Sarah, whose real name can't be used to protect the identity of her son, is one of the many parents often on the receiving end of public criticism and condemnation because their child has been involved in crime.

Numerous media reports about youth running rampant and being involved in ramraids, car thefts and street fights, have once again sparked public debate about what should be done to curb the apparent spate of youth crimes.

Sarah said people often jump to the conclusion that all children who offend come from dysfunctional families, or have parents who are absent or involved with crime themselves.

"That's not us," she said.

"My husband and I are hardworking, honest people who have never been in trouble with the law. When we had kids, we wanted the best for them. I even worked part-time, so it is not like I was absent. We've been there for our kids."

The problems started when their son started running away from home at the age of 13. Three years later, he had been arrested numerous times for offending related to drugs, vehicles and not abiding by his bail conditions.

Sarah said she finds it baffling all the interventions put in place to help her son were dependent on him choosing to engage and participate.

"There is nothing forcing him to abide by his bail conditions, nothing compelling him to attend counselling or drug rehabilitation courses."

The early interventions put in place by authorities "needed more teeth", she said.

"As a parent, you have absolutely no power whatsoever, and police have no power. All the decisions are with the child who is obviously off the rails and is not making any rational decisions."

She believed children needed to be taught to be better problem-solvers and cope with disappointment. Their self-esteem needed to be bolstered to prevent them from seeking validation and a feeling of belonging in the wrong places and with the wrong people, she said.

Children committing crime

While it might be easy to look at media reports and assume youth crime is on the rise, official data showed nationally, it has been trending down since 2014.

However, police data did show an uptick since the start of 2022 in the number of proceedings (alleged crimes) committed by people aged 10-19.

In Christchurch, alleged crimes by children aged between 10 and 14 were at their highest levels in almost a decade.

Between 2017 and 2021 numbers fluctuated between six and 45 a month, but this surged to 84 in August this year. The previous monthly high was 80, in December 2014.

Children's Commissioner Frances Eivers earlier said the reasons behind the offending were complex and include the increased cost of living, impacts of the pandemic, children not being at school and unstable homes.

Cr Tyla Harrison-Hunt, who leads the youth portfolio at the Christchurch City Council, said there were many reasons why children turned to crime, including poverty and deprivation.

"You can also layer in social media use, a lack of whānau support and the lack of strong influences in our young people's lives," he said.

"I would argue that yes, parents are responsible but not wholly. The responsibility can then be focused on their friends, wider family and other important people who are failing our children."

A report on youth justice published by the Ministry of Justice in December, showed young people who offend often have complex problems that have brought them or their families in contact with authorities before.

According to the report, for almost 96 percent of children and 88 percent of young people who were referred for a family group conference between 2014-15 and 2020-21, someone had previously expressed concern that they or their family needed help. That is, Oranga Tamariki had recorded a prior report of concern relating to their care and protection.

Christchurch youth and wellbeing worker Zion Tauamiti said while there were numerous factors contributing to youth offending, the pandemic had exacerbated the problem. Covid-19 started as a health problem, he said, but has since expanded into an economic, political and social problem affecting just about every facet of our lives.

Tauamiti said - perhaps as an unintended consequence of remote learning - some children had become "used to not being at school" and absence rates have "gone through the roof". This meant children were spending less time in a safe and supportive learning environment, which was especially important for children from dysfunctional homes.

Minors in court

Youth offenders are dealt with very differently than adult offenders.

The justice system differentiates between "children" who are between 10 and 13 years old at the time of the offence, and "young people" who are aged between 14 and 17 when the offence was committed.

Most offending by children and young people are dealt with outside the court system with them being given an informal warning or being referred to police youth aid. More serious offences see charges filed in the Youth Court.

Outside of court, the alleged offender is either dealt with via police youth diversion or referred to a family group conference with an "intention to charge". The family group conference is attended by the offender, their youth advocate, their family, the victims (if they choose to attend), police, social workers and other relevant people.

The offender is given a chance to admit or deny the charges, and depending on what happens, the family group conference can result in all parties agreeing on a plan to move forward or the case being referred to the Youth Court.

Children or young people who are dealt with by the Youth Court are monitored to ensure they abide by the plan put in place for them. Most often they will receive an absolute discharge which is as if the charge against the child or young person was never filed.

The Youth Court can also impose a variety of orders such as compelling the young person to attend an alcohol or drug treatment programme, attending a mentoring programme, or completing community work.

In serious cases, the youth offender can be referred to the district court to be sentenced where they will receive an adult sentence.

Murder and manslaughter cases will begin in the Youth Court, before being transferred to the High Court.

What about the victims?

Victims' advocate Ruth Money said while the youth aid system could work in preventing young people from reoffending, it was used inconsistently throughout the country.

She has come across instances where a young person has been accused of a very serious offence such as rape, but police have declined to charge the alleged offender which means the matter may be dealt with via a family group conference.

This left the rape complainant having to participate in a family group conference with their alleged rapist, where the focus was on coming up with a plan to "put things right".

"How can you possibly put things right when someone has been raped or when a family has lost a loved one through the actions of an off-the-rails young person?" said Money.

Because it was often up to the discretion of the youth aid officer or police prosecutor whether the young person would be brought before the court, there was an inconsistency in how especially serious youth offending was dealt with in different regions.

While Money wasn't advocating for harsher punishments for young people, she said the system needed to be focused on setting young offenders on the right path, while also supporting victims and acknowledging the often significant and life-changing harm they had suffered.

"At the moment the system is not helping the young people who offend, nor is it helping the victims of this offending."

Harrison-Hunt said a "collaborative approach" was needed between various role players to address the problem of youth offending. Community groups needed to be provided with adequate resources to allow them to provide mentorship to young people, while projects focused on keeping young people off the street needed to be supported.

"We need to work with the NZ police, and work towards reinstating neighbourhood police who know their neighbourhoods, [and] administer public engagements where we as communities define a strong plan of attack in addressing youth crime and protecting our vulnerable people."

*This story was first published on Stuff.