Touring is not at all how most people imagine it – per diems, hotel rooms, expensive drugs, groupies and hangers on, roadies and techs to do all the labour. It's hard work, especially on a low (read: no) budget.
But it’s my favourite thing to do in the entire world. I love the camaraderie, not just between band members, but all of the people you come into contact with along the way.
One morning last month, 16 punks and a pug from the North Island boarded a 19-seater Nissan Civilian bus, dubbed “Bus Hell”, for an epic 11 day tour of the South Island. Along with regular tour destinations Nelson, Dunedin and Christchurch, we also wanted to check out some less visited spots, so we added the Motueka Valley and Oamaru to the itinerary. We would finish the tour on Labour Weekend at Punkfest in Christchurch, an event notorious for being a pretty loose party with punks attending from all over the country.
On board Bus Hell were Wellington bands Johnny and the Felchers, The Dilfs and Phone Sex Robots, and The Methadonnas from Palmerston North. Our friend Jamaine had offered to run the door and the merch table, while Vanya, John and Alex had decided to tag along to document the imminent catastrophe.
The bus had been organised by Julia, who works as a bus driver in Napier and plays drums in the band Over Population. Julia was instrumental in organising the tour, somehow wrangling the bus from her work, agreeing to drive it the entire way. It was an insane and suicidal task, but somehow she made it through with her life and most of her sanity.
Many of us felt some trepidation as we threaded through the streets of Wellington on our way to the Interislander ferry terminal. Would we all still get along after 11 days cramped up in the tiny bus? Would anybody come to the shows? How long would the 40 litres of homebrew that Ollie supplied last? They were all vital questions and we would have our answers soon enough. Meanwhile, we bobbed across Cook Strait like a bunch of punk rock pirates.
Inside Bus Hell. Photo: John Lake
In Nelson, we dropped off the Felchers at a local skate park where they got hassled by the cops, while the rest of us searched out our friend’s Scott and Lena’s house up in the winding hills above the Nelson Harbour. A barbecue had been organised for us and after we dropped off our gear at that night’s venue (Club Paradox) we spent the afternoon eating, drinking and folding covers for the Messed Up Mixed Tape which John (Zero Style Tapes) had put together for the tour.
We kicked off the tour playing with Johnny Christ, one of the coolest punk bands in the country. I felt honoured that they had agreed to play with us, and they were awesome. The show had a pretty good turnout of 30 or 40 people (enough to cover gas to Dunedin), and we partied afterwards with our hosts, whose crazy Australian friend drank his own piss and eventually had to be shown the door.
The next night our show was at the Ngatimoti Hall in the Motueka Valley. We played with locals The Fartbombs which included the show organisers’ 10-year-old son on keyboard duty. He threw a fartbomb at us during their set to much laughter. Only about four or five people paid to get in, but we had ourselves an awesome punk party in the middle of nowhere, and another local band, Shunt, became a Bus Hell favourite (SHUNT! SHUNT! SHUNT SHUNT SHUNT!). Despite the small attendance this may have been the favourite show of the tour.
In Reefton we got hassled by some dude with the most amazing mullet who thought we might have stolen some kids’ scooters from the skate park. I guess we looked the part. We slept that night at a lodge in Arthur’s Pass, as Monica from The Methadonnas’ brother ran the place and gave us a deal. After a couple of nights of floor sleeping and long bus drives, the showers and heaters were like heaven.
We arrived in Dunedin on Monday realising that we didn’t have anywhere to stay. Most people managed to get themselves booked into a backpackers, but the four Felchers and myself were considering sleeping in the cemetery. Luckily our friends Andy and Sam came through and let us stay in their lounge, which would sleep the five of us for the next three nights.
During the days Andy and Sam were finishing their commissioned pieces for the Dunedin Street Art Festival, while my bus mates went skateboarding, dog walking, record shopping or museum hopping. I sat in Andy and Sam’s kitchen, drinking beer, trying to finish my final assignment for the trimester, feeling much like a squeezed sponge.
Julia’s bandmates Matt and EJ joined us in Dunedin and the bus was finally at capacity. The show in Dunedin was fantastic, with locals Whiskey and the Wench pulling out an amazing set, despite technical issues. It was my first time playing at the historic Crown Hotel, a venue that has been supporting underground music in Dunedin since the late ‘80s.
Our final show before Punkfest in Christchurch was at the Oamaru Opera House. We played in the foyer to a handful of locals, while a crystal chandelier dangled above us. Finally the classy environs our filthy bodies deserved! I missed local band Reed St Posse as my body failed me and I napped on the bus, but by all accounts they were great. On the walk to where we were staying, Phone Sex Robots drummer Cam and I finished a bottle of wine in a lovely public garden while a cop car circled the block conspicuously.
The Punkfest weekend in Christchurch was insane. We were all pretty jaded, but somehow we all managed to dredge up the energy to get through, and we were lucky enough to play some great sets and see some fantastic bands.
As we drove back to Picton on the Sunday night, the bus lights illuminating only a ghostly section of the road ahead, we were paid a visit by the mysterious Hag, a creepy musical enigma (and definitely not one of our bus mates wearing a wig), who helped us party our way to Kaikoura. We slept in the cold dark bus, listening to the sea and hoping to hear whales.
In the back of the bus somebody said, “I wish I was dead.” I couldn’t have disagreed more.
WATCH more from the 5 Bands 1 Bus tour on the Up The Punks YouTube channel.
Video produced by John Lake and Alex Meagher and narrated by Dan Fraser.
This content was produced with funding support from NZ On Air.