Former Black Caps captain Ross Taylor says he is proud of the way he reacted after he was sacked as captain in 2012.
Black Caps great Ross Taylor. File photo. Photo: Photosport
Former Black Caps batsman Ross Taylor told Nine to Noon he was ambushed by New Zealand Cricket and new coach Mike Hesson on the eve of a test in Sri Lanka in 2012 when he was told that Brendon McCullum would take over the captaincy.
In his new book 'Black and White', Taylor describes his journey to becoming New Zealand's most capped player and he said while the right decision over the captaincy was made, he was very disappointed with the way New Zealand Cricket handled it.
From the very start, Taylor felt he was handed the captaincy rather prematurely.
"It was definitely a proud moment for myself and my family, I felt like it came a bit earlier than I needed I was definitely two or three years away.
"But as my wife and my manager Leanne McGoldrick said to me, they said 'Well Ross, there is no perfect time and who knows if you'll get another opportunity', so I went for it," he said.
After holding meetings about the captaincy six or seven months earlier, Taylor interviewed for the role at the same time as Brendon McCullum - a situation which he described as "strange".
"At the end of the day, they made a call and I was collateral damage" - Former Black Caps captain Ross Taylor
During the process, Taylor came to grips with his own strengths, doubts and weaknesses. He identified that handling the constant presence of the media was something he struggled with and a distraction to his urge to focus on playing his best cricket.
New Zealand Cricket said it would help him address the things he had struggled with, but after a number of changes to the board and coaching staff, Taylor said the promise was forgotten.
After the departure of his "biggest ally", Black Caps coach John Wright, Taylor was told by incoming New Zealand Cricket chief executive David White that he would be involved in any decision on a new coaching appointment.
What followed was anything but transparent for the captain.
"Once John Wright was gone, he was my biggest ally in the team, the senior players and a few others saw it as an opportunity to try and get their way," Taylor said.
Soon came the appointment of Mike Hesson as Black Caps coach, which blindsided Taylor. He admitted he had reservations about Hesson's close relationship with fellow Black Cap Brendon McCullum.
"The only time I was told that Mike Hesson would be given the job was when David White said the next coach would be a Kiwi, knowing that the other applicants were all foreigners, that's when I knew Mike Hesson was going to be coach."
Taylor said he felt "the writing was on the wall" as soon as Hesson arrived, later finding out that the new coach had signalled his intent to select a new captain in his first meeting with director of cricket John Buchanan.
Ross Taylor. File photo. Photo: © Photosport Ltd 2021 / www.photosport.nz
In the days building up to a test match in Sri Lanka, Taylor's suspicions were proven to be true as Hesson told him he was "a follower not a leader" and subsequently appointed Brendon McCullum as the new captain.
"There was method in that, they wanted to ambush me for me not to make their job harder. What person would stay on when their coach has said that?" Taylor said.
Despite the demonstration of a lack of faith from his coaches, Taylor's family, friends and mental skills coach Gilbert Enoka encouraged him to stay on in the team.
However, the situation put intense mental pressure on Taylor, affecting his thoughts to the point that he was unable to sleep more than two-and-a-half hours a night leading up to the test, he said.
"To go out there on that lack of sleep and bat for seven or eight hours... I still don't know how I did it really.
"That was tough but I think it was harder afterwards knowing what had gone on."
While he admitted the right decision over the captaincy was made, he said he was very disappointed with the way New Zealand Cricket handled it.
"Once the storm settled down, everyone got on with it, the team started winning, the right decision was made and I just had to suck it up and hear all these accolades along the way."
While he eventually did receive an apology from New Zealand Cricket, he never felt it was sincere, Taylor said.
"At the end of the day, they made a call and I was collateral damage. I guess it was up to me to suck it up and get on with it.
"As I write in the book the apology that New Zealand Cricket sent at the time they sent it to my manager, they had my address [but] they never sent it to me," he said.
The way in which he was treated by some members of the Black Caps set up at that time would not be acceptable in any other working environment, he said.
It felt to him that the apology was simply a PR ploy to appease the public discussion of how poorly treated he was, he said.
Although it was an unpleasant ordeal at times, Taylor said he would not change his decision to take the captaincy in the first place.
"I truly believe that if I'd captained for three or four years I probably wouldn't have been playing and retired in April this year so things happen for a reason."
Speaking on the issue of racism in cricket, Taylor said New Zealand Cricket's problem was the presence of casual racism.
"Is there a big problem? I think it's more that casual stuff.
"I think we've moved on a long way but New Zealand is a changing dynamic and demographic from when I first started out... Ish Sodhi, Jeet Raval, Ajaz Patel there's a big Asian community coming through and I think there's going to continue to be more and more over the years."
Taylor said his mixed-race heritage, coming from a Samoan mother and a Pākehā father, meant he could see both sides of the issue.
"I am black and white... I see both sides of it and sometimes when you see both sides of it, it's not pretty," Taylor said.
In the years to come, Taylor said he hoped that New Zealand would continue to make progress around racism in both sport and wider society.