Natasha Frost weighs in on this week's episodes of The Bachelor NZ.
Photo: The Bachelor NZ
Idea for a television show: 23 beautiful, accomplished New Zealand woman compete, in a move that has many crying ’sexism’, for the right to take home their very own tool. They laugh, they cry, they face their fears and do it anyway (or pay the price).
The tool itself doesn’t have much by way of personality, but you can see why some people might like it, at a push. That said, it probably isn’t worth potential mass humiliation, or the many tears that are shed over it - not to mention the antagonism that develops between the girls. We could call it: The Spatula.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry - your groans are audible from here.
How else to improve the Bachelor? How about two Bachelors? There would be incredible potential for anger and jealousy; the watching public will inevitably develop a preference - and so will the women. And in the last episode, they have to fight (to the death! Maybe!) for the one they love. (EDIT: I’m not sure MediaWorks will be able to make this one, under the new WorkSafe laws, but it’s worth considering.)
All I’m saying is, The Bachelor NZ could have been much, much more - more than a man who doesn’t know when to stop with his admittedly six-out-of-ten Gollum impression; a man who goes on a mountain-biking trip with two women and, in turn, leaves both of them entirely on their own in the woods to ‘get on with it’.
But the draw has been made, and Jordan is the one we have. No kitchen implements, no sexy competing talent, no nothing. He’s all we’ve got, and with just five, and then four, and then three girls left, the intrigue is finally on the way up.
This is partly because - with three girls competing for his attention - the situation finally approaches realism. It’s not such a stretch to imagine that Jordan met Erin through work on those ship things they like; Naz at the gym (I don’t find it hard to imagine her telling him, a complete stranger, that his deadlift form needs work); Fleur on Tinder.
You can see Jordan and Gabs getting chatty at a party - though when he starts yammering on about her poker face and letting him in to see the real girl inside, you can as easily imagine her feigning the need to get another drink, and go to the loo, and never coming back. Instead, with no loo and only Cloudy Bay Pelorus (which they must all hate by now) to sip on, she gets booted out by the man himself, sans rose, sans Michael Hill jewellery, sans everything. Goodbye Gabs, you were too good for us all.
Photo: The Bachelor NZ
Things are finally getting real. No one has 23 women on the go - or even 16 - but three, or four? Sure.
So when Fleur says she’s done and throws a strop, and so-called ‘tough cookie’ Naz, queen of my heart, bursts into tears for the fourth time on this show so far, it’s because the dynamic has finally become something all too familiar – that feeling when the bloke you like likes you back, but probably likes someone else more. Ouch.
There can only be one winner, meanwhile, and after Tuesday night’s episode, it’s hard not to feel like Erin has this one in the bag. Quite apparent from the extraordinary revelation that she’s a ‘huge nerd’ who saw Lord of the Rings once, you get the feeling that she and Jordan genuinely have some things in common. They both like those boats, they both seem like the sort of people who describe themselves first and foremost as ‘Kiwis’, and they both think Jordan’s very funny.
And, all cynicism aside, they look quite sweet together, having a giggle about the glow-worms and a little snog in the hay. The angst is weak in this one, and with Fleur spitting the dummy and Naz antagonising almost everyone in sight, you can see how Erin might seem like the straightforward option.
Naz and Fleur are on thinner ice, at least at this stage. But, with three episodes to go, it’s anyone’s game – and hopefully Erin’s classic Kiwi father will have something serious to say about Jordan’s dodgy anchor tattoos.
Going home: Kate, Gate
Pick to win: Erin,
Single Date: Erin, Kate
In trouble: Fleur. Or maybe Naz. Or maybe Fleur? Not sure.