Ask Judith Turner, 30, about what she misses about Germany, and, like almost everyone who has been there, she’ll tell you it’s the bread. The bread, and her friends and family.
Judith has lived in New Zealand for about two-and-a-half years. She moved here with her rugby-mad husband, a Kiwi who wanted to be back in the country for the Rugby World Cup. They had met in Australia, and lived in Germany together for four years.
“There’s that saying, home is where the heart is – which is cheesy, but it’s probably true,” she says. For Judith, home is a place where you feel like you belong; where there are people you like spending time with, and places you like going.
Judith is reminded “several times a day” that she’s not from here. “It’s never meant in a bad way”. Photo: Unknown
She likes how friendly and open New Zealanders are. She likes the diversity. She likes the contrast of trendy cities with nature – not unspoiled nature, but nature – nearby. She likes that she’s almost always near water. But she doesn’t necessarily feel at home in New Zealand.
One thing she’s had to get used to is that New Zealanders tend to be less direct. That’s partly to do with the language barrier, but it does affect how she makes plans. Here, she says, it’s common to arrange to see a friend, only to have them get in touch on the day to say, “Hey, are we still on?” Why wouldn’t we be? she asks herself.
When I go back to Germany, I don’t have much of a sense of a belonging anymore...
Judith is reminded “several times a day” that she’s not from here. “It’s never meant in a bad way,” says “but people do comment on accent, on pronunciation, on words adopting... I think a lot of it is around language.”
She says people say things like “that’s very German of you”, which she agrees is a reminder she’s not a Kiwi, but she doesn’t mind: it’s meant in a friendly way, and it doesn’t make her feel less welcome.
Judith likes living in Wellington. She knows people and places, and how to get around. “It’s more about the place than about the country.”
But though Germany feels like home, she’s very aware that it’s changing. “My parents still live at the place where I grew up,” she says, “but when I go back there I don’t have much of a sense of a belonging anymore, because I don’t know much of what’s going on in the community. I don’t know many people there apart from my parents and my parents’ neighbours.”
She occasionally has to remind herself that some of the things she misses – other than the bread – aren’t really there anymore, anyway.
“I still quite often miss my university times, in terms of that group of friends, and just that lifestyle, but I would miss that if I was in Germany too, because I wouldn’t go back to that.”