By Deborah Mackenzie*, co-founder of The Backbone Collective
Opinion - A fifth birthday is usually something to celebrate with cake. As Backbone Collective reflects on its fifth birthday, we think of our original purpose: to create a safer and more responsive system to increase the safety and wellbeing of all women affected by violence and abuse in Aotearoa New Zealand.
After hearing from hundreds of victim-survivors from all over the country about how the system has failed them when they sought protection and help, our birthday brings conflicting feelings of hope and heartache. How can it be that in 2022 so many victim-survivors are forced to 'manage' ongoing violence and abuse even after they take the brave step of escaping or telling?
Photo: 123rf
In 2019, Backbone undertook a survey of 528 women who had experienced family or intimate partner violence. The vast majority of these women had separated from the abuser, and many (57 percent) had been separated for over six years but the violence and abuse continued.
This week RNZ ran a story detailing the experiences of Rachel* and her child. Sadly, their horrendous experience is a common one for many women and children in New Zealand.
After Rachel and her child experienced violence and abuse from her partner, the child's father, they did what we are all taught to do; they told the statutory organisations equipped to intervene and asked for help to get safe and recover.
However, the response from those organisations, the courts and their community further victimised Rachel and her child, isolated them from support and resources, placed the blame on them for what happened, accused them of lying about the violence and abuse and ultimately put them in more danger and prevented their recovery.
Thankfully many New Zealanders reading Rachel's story feel outraged. Most of us sincerely believe that family and sexual violence is not OK. We would expect that when it happens there should be a swift response that results in safety for the victims and accountability of the person who chooses to use violence and abuse.
What can we do?
So, what next? How can the general public and those in power ensure victim-survivors are able to access the right support at the right time, get safe and recover?
Victim-survivors have shared their requests with Backbone:
Firstly, victim-survivors want the general public, friends, family, whānau, work colleagues, neighbours and people providing services to understand more about family and sexual violence so people can provide effective and safe support whether that be emotional or practical.
Take an opportunity to learn more about the dynamics of family and sexual violence, including coercive control and grooming behaviours, and the impact of violence and abuse on victim-survivors.
Secondly, believe that violence and abuse does not stop when women separate from an abusive partner.
In our 2019 survey we found that when victim-survivors said violence and abuse had stopped, it was due to environmental changes that enabled her to have no contact rather than the abuser choosing to stop their abuse (she moved to another area, had a Protection Order, was in hiding, the abuser was in jail or had died).
However, for 47 percent of survey participants, the violence and abuse had not stopped regardless of separation, and these women were often forced into contact with the abuser. They described having no control over the abuser's behaviour, for example breaking into her home, emailing or texting constantly, bad mouthing her to friends and family, making untrue allegations to Oranga Tamariki about her and using the Family Court as a new tool of abuse.
Thirdly, understand that people who choose to use violence and abuse use the current system to continue their abuse. Our system enables that behaviour. Therefore, continually telling victim-survivors to just ask for help presumes that help is available and it works; it's often not available and the 'help' that is there can put people in far more danger.
And finally, victim-survivors want to see urgent reform of the current system and in particular the family and criminal courts. Trying to get help has often left them further traumatised, fearful, unwell, broke, homeless, and disconnected from friends, family, whānau and their community.
Many of the women that Backbone hears from say that when they made the brave decision to leave or to tell someone about their experiences, they expected a giant safety net to extend under them and their children. In reality though this never happened.
These women have described treatment toward them from the family and criminal courts, police, Oranga Tamariki, WINZ, immigration, 'helping' agencies and some in their communities and said it has felt like more abuse on top of what they already experienced.
Continually fighting for safety takes a very heavy toll financially and in terms of their health affecting their ability to work or cope at school, have a home, take part in social activities and feel connected.
The Family Court is one important part of our system that stands in front of safety for many women and children.
In 2018 and again in 2021 the United Nations CEDAW committee was so concerned about the Family Court's response to women and children who had experienced family violence, it recommended a Royal Commission of Inquiry be held. Successive New Zealand governments have refused.
Victim-survivors tell Backbone that Family Court orders and proceedings force them into ongoing contact with an abusive ex-partner via unsafe parenting orders, orders preventing her and the children from relocating to another region where they might be safer and have access to better support, employment or housing, or forcing them into proceedings with the abuser lasting years and providing opportunities for ongoing abuse via the legal system.
It's hard to imagine why the Family Court would actively enable ongoing violence and abuse toward victim-survivors and children. However, the culture of the court, the beliefs and myths that circulate among many professionals that work in it, often paint victim-survivors with harmful stereotypes - that they are lying about the abuse, are mentally unwell and are trying to get revenge on their ex-partner and poison their children against the other parent.
These beliefs frequently result in unsafe practices and decisions in both the criminal and the family court.
Family and sexual violence specialists have long called for a new approach in courts that better protects victim-survivors, including children. Replacing the current adversarial model with one that is more investigative and specialist could make all the difference.
Rachel's story highlights numerous parts of the response system that currently fail victim-survivors and their children. And like Rachel hundreds of victim-survivors have called for a system response that is victim-survivor centred.
That means that decisions about policy, reform, programmes and services are informed by the needs of victim-survivors. Services and organisations are staffed by specialists who understand family and sexual violence, trauma and child development, they are accessible for people who live with a disability, they are culturally appropriate and are available when and where needed. Most of all they are safe to use and result in safety and recovery.
*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the child involved.
Deborah Mackenzie is a co-founder of The Backbone Collective and has worked in the domestic violence sector for many years.
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Women's Refuge:(0800 733 843
It's Not OK 0800 456 450
Shine: 0508 744 633
Victim Support: 0800 842 846
HELP Call 24/7 (Auckland): 09 623 1700, (Wellington): be 04 801 6655 - 0
The National Network of Family Violence Services NZ has information on specialist family violence agencies.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: online chat (3pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 helpline (12pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-11pm weekends)
Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm or text 832 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi and English.
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.