RNZ Pacific Xmas: 'A tribe without its chief'

RNZ Pacific staff share their Christmas memories and traditions.

Christmas for my family has never been the same since my dad died in 2013.

My older brother and I didn't get to say goodbye to our hero.

Five years earlier, we had lost my sister and before that the baby of the family - a brother.

Christmas used to be a time when the house was filled with families, food and so much fun. It was a time when the whole whānau would look forward to the endless summer holidays ahead. The chance to catch up with everyone and meet new members of the tribe.

Each year was the same: Pa would get up early on Christmas Day while everyone was still asleep and he would start prepping the lovo (hangi). By the time we were up, 95 percent of the work was done.

He loved doing stuff for the family. I think it was the joy of having his children and grandchildren home for Christmas that made him happy.

His fekei dessert was the best and he made a great putini - pudding. I'm still trying to master it, one day mafatu.

But since that fateful day of 10 January seven years ago, Christmas and other family gatherings have changed.

While the past several Christmases have been beautiful having my dearest mother with us, there is always something or someone missing at these kaunohonga gatherings - Pa.

There is no need for words. It's on everyone's face until someone says 'isa wish Pa was here'.

It's almost like a tribe without its chief. A family without its head. The patriarch no more. He was our rock. He would know what to do, what to say. He made everything complete.

We looked up to him, to pour out our daily troubles to. And just to hear how his day went or the week was something I looked forward to.

He had three loves in life: Family, horseracing and gardening. He could spend all day tending to the vegetables and crops he had planted. He was so proud of it and we too. He would encourage his children to eat from the garden. 'Fresh is best' he'd always say. And he's right!

He was always right. And he was our jack-of-all trades. If he was not building something, he was fixing what needed repairing around the house - he was our handyman - my o'fa father.

This month, a friend and colleague lost his dad and it just brought back memories of my dearest Pa. I felt my uso's pain. I know what he's going through, to lose a parent and so close to Christmas. And all we have are the treasures of memories of them.

We miss Pa dearly. We miss his smile, his laugh, his jokes. But most of all during Christmas, we miss him playing the guitar and singing our favourite songs. And he's also missed out on so much that has happened since he left: The weddings of his four grandsons and the arrival of his three great-grandsons and five great-granddaughters who we pray will all carry on his legacy, the man that he was: dearest and loving, humble and hardworking who put his family first.

So while you're celebrating this festive cheer with friends and family, please spare a moment for those who are without their loved ones - whether they have passed on or whether it's due to the Covid-19 pandemic.

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus. For those out there like my whānau, it's also a time when we remember our loved ones who have left us and we celebrate their lives, as we should.

So from our family to yours, Kesmas Lelei ma Fau Fo`ou `Oaf`ofa - Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!