Lauren Anne Dickason is on trial charged with murdering her three children. Photo: Pool / NZME / George Heard
Warning: this story contains distressing content.
Lauren Dickason relied on her husband to help manage her depression and anxiety, the High Court at Christchurch has heard.
But the couple's relationship changed when they had children, contributing to a decline in Dickason's mental state.
She is on trial for the murder of her three young daughters in Timaru in 2021 - but denies the charges, instead seeking a verdict of insanity and infanticide.
Prosecution witness, consultant forensic psychiatrist Dr Erik Monasterio, assessed Dickason after she killed her her two-year-old twins, Karla and Maya, and six-year-old Liané, in a series of four interviews in 2021 and 2022.
Monasterio told the court she and her husband met working as student doctors in the same hospital.
Listen to Niva Chittock's full report here
"The defendant reported a very positive and largely conflict-free relationship with Graham. She told me that throughout their relationship, 'Graham has always been my rock'," he said.
Dickason told Monasterio that while she enjoyed working in medicine, she often battled with anxiety and perfectionistic tendencies.
"She reported that the support she received from Graham through the early stages of their relationship (and until they sought to conceive) helped her to mostly overcome her tendency to depression and anxiety."
But their relationship changed when children came along.
"She reported that as Graham's focus moved more toward the children, they had little time alone together which led to a very difficult adjustment for the defendant, as she relied on Graham for emotional support and to manage her mood and anxiety disturbance," Monasterio said.
"She reported diminished intimacy and often a sense of alienation."
Dickason struggled with depressive episodes after the births of her daughters and found it hard to bond naturally with them, he said.
He read to the court part of a message she sent in 2021, asking for help on how to cope with motherhood.
"I have three girls - a five year old and one-year-old twins ... Even though the meds [medications] work most of the time, I get overwhelmed so easily and the anxiety gets so bad I cannot eat, sleep or function properly.
"I think most of it is caused by frustration and boredom as I look after the babies during the day and I feel as if I have no identity of my own."
Dickason told the psychiatrist her and Graham's parenting styles did not always align.
Monasterio read a message she had sent to her husband.
"I'm sorry you feel I have so many rules. But if you want to raise fat, unhealthy good-for-nothings, I will withdraw with pleasure and allow everyone to do their own thing. It will be much easier for me not to say no the whole time and play the policeman."
The pandemic only added stress.
Dickason told the doctor that comments from her mother-in-law were not helpful, while they isolated together in South Africa before emigrating to New Zealand.
"The defendant reported further deterioration in her children's behaviour as their grandmother 'spoiled them', and did not enforce her parenting rules," Monasterio told the court.
"The children gravitated toward Graham and often lashed out at her. 'I felt ignored and unappreciated', she said."
However, in the final assessment interview in April 2022, Dickason asked to change some of her account.
"She 'made considerable sacrifices' through their marriage to ensure Graham continued to pursue his interest in hunting and spending weekends away with friends, which was a significant factor for her feeling overwhelmed after the birth of their children," he said.
But when Monasterio asked her about messages talking of anger towards her kids and harming them, Dickason told him they were sent in jest.
She denied any thoughts of actually hurting them.
Monasterio will continue giving evidence to the court on Tuesday morning.
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: free counselling for 5 to 19 years old, online chat 11am-10.30pm 7days/week or free phone 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 11am-11pm
Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm or text 832 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi and English.
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
Family Violence:
Women's Refuge:(0800 733 843
It's Not OK 0800 456 450
Shine: 0508 744 633
Victim Support: 0800 842 846
HELP Call 24/7 (Auckland): 09 623 1700, (Wellington): 04 801 6655 - push 0 at the menu
The National Network of Family Violence Services NZ has information on specialist family violence agencies.
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.