Warning - this story discusses mental health and suicidal thoughts
It took four referrals and a confession she was harming herself for Quinn* to finally be accepted to a district health board (DHB) mental health service. But although she is now in the system, the 14 year old is still not getting the help she needs.
Stock photo. Photo: RNZ / Vinay Ranchhod
Quinn wanted to share her story because she's not the only one who is struggling to get help, and she wants better - for herself, her peers, and generations to come.
"I've been trying to get help for so many years, sometimes it gets to the point where I feel there's nothing else to do," she says of why she has harmed herself in the past.
"It feels like nothing is going to get better."
Quinn has long been an anxious child, overwhelmed by school and gatherings, and known to hibernate in her room. But adolescence has magnified everything 10-fold, her mum Jane* says.
Quinn says she loves her family but being around them is too much. She doesn't have friends, lacks motivation to do basic tasks, and can't cope at school. She left earlier this year and has spent most of the time in her room since. She has frequent anxiety attacks and is frightened of everything, her mum says.
While they sought help from the school counsellor, self-help books and encouragement to "keep going" did little to help, Jane says.
"I feel like I've never made any progress with getting help," Quinn says.
"I was just told I had anxiety and needed to find strategies to help myself, but nobody ever gave me those strategies to help."
Over the last two years, her GP has referred her three times to the DHB's outpatient mental health service, and each time she has been declined. It was not until she was referred to a youth service - separate to the DHB - and told them she was harming herself that she was finally accepted.
"The way it goes is that you only get in there if you are suicidal. You have to be in crisis to get to that point," Jane says.
Quinn feels the same.
"I told them I was harming myself and that's when they cared. They only care when you're at risk, not anywhere before that. They never helped me with stuff that led me to do that. They never prevented it, until it was too late.
"It feels like no one is listening."
Finally accepted into the service, it took weeks before she had her first appointment. She then had several therapy sessions which helped, but then the therapist left, and Quinn was left waiting again.
"There has been a lot of phone calls, of me catching up, chasing up, talking to them, ringing up, telling the people there 'she's not in a good space today, she needs help, she's calling out for help'," Jane says.
"So I'm going back and forth all the time trying to find out where do we go next, and then I even went through a charity to see if we could get some other counselling, and then I tried to do it privately and was told there was an eight-month waitlist. I thought I can't wait eight months.
"Everybody's been telling me 'you were lucky to get into [the DHB service], stick with it, because the waiting list to get in there is massive'."
After months of waiting, Quinn got an appointment with a specialist who diagnosed her with ADHD, and she has been referred to another service to look into whether she might be on the autism spectrum.
Meanwhile, her anxiety isn't improving, and she's faced with yet again repeating her story, while feeling like she's getting nowhere.
"[She's] sitting there with me thinking 'I'm going through this yet again. I'm talking about the same stuff again and now they're telling me I've got to be referred on another waiting list before I even think that I'm getting any help'," Jane says.
"Meantime, 'I can't get out of my room, I'm getting behind in my education, I can't shower, I have no friends and I don't feel like anybody cares'. She's crying for help."
Jane's exhausted and feels at a loss of what to do next - where do you go when you're already in the system that's meant to help?
"There's no family support or help, or advice on how do I work with somebody who has suicidal thoughts, with a child in this situation. There's no one to turn to and it's an extremely difficult thing to discuss with your community," she says.
"I don't know where to go from now, I'm quite lost. She's still stuck in her bedroom, still not learning, still not going to school… I can't get her outside to go for a walk because it's all too frightening for her."
DHB services for those with 'highest needs'
The Ministry of Health says the DHB specialist services are funded to provide for people with the "highest needs", and clinical judgment is used to prioritise for this group.
"They will consider issues such as level of risk and the impact that presenting problems are having on the person's ability to function in their daily lives.
"A DHB may reject a referral from GP when it is clear the person's needs fall outside these criteria.
"In many cases, they will provide suggestions for how the needs of the young person and their whānau can be met and may provide links to information and online resources."
'Don't give up hope'
Mental Health Foundation chief executive Shaun Robinson says Quinn's story is not uncommon - far too many young people are waiting for help in a system which has been neglected for decades.
Photo: RNZ/Vinay Ranchhod
He wants youth to know:
- Don't give up hope
- There are far more people who get through their tough times than don't
- Keep looking for other options
- There's more capacity than before, such as the 1737 counselling helpline
- Even if you're waiting for specialist support, reach out to your GP for support
Robinson urges people to support others experiencing mental health issues - show others you really care for them, stand alongside them and validate their pain.
*Not their real names
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What's Up: online chat (3pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 helpline (12pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-11pm weekends)
Kidsline (ages 5-18): 0800 543 754 (24/7)
Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
Healthline: 0800 611 116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.