David Bagley survived horrendous abuse as a teenager on Great Barrier Island. Photo: Reece Baker
Content warning: This story discusses the physical abuse of children and young people.
There is a sense of unease among survivors of torture and abuse in care ahead of Tuesday's national apology.
It will be a meaningful moment, advocates say, but will not come with reparations that are critical to people being able to move on with their lives.
The Crown has had the Royal Commission's interim report on redress for close to three years and a high-level design proposal for about 12 months.
Dunedin prisoner and Te Whakapakari boot camp survivor David Bagley told RNZ that government efforts to make amends were "disingenuous".
"I would like to see the government compensate victims so comfort can be put back in their lives. Living in poverty as a victim is very uncomfortable."
Abuse in care survivors, advocates uneasy ahead of apology
Auckland University professor Stephen Winter said he was worried that survivors would be disappointed on Tuesday, and said an apology without reparations was not right.
"It's a real shame ... it's simply not good enough. Three years has gone past without substantive movement on redress for the vast majority of survivors."
Former chief human rights commissioner Rosslyn Noonan agreed.
"I'm feeling quite concerned for survivors because it's been made clear by the minister responsible that there won't be any commitment to full and just redress and really that's an absolute priority at this stage."
Winter was also sceptical of the government's recent moves to compensate Lake Alice survivors.
"You're noticing a theme, it's 'Lake Alice', 'Lake Alice', 'Lake Alice' and while Lake Alice is an important, prominent and terrible institution ... it's only one institution.
"And I worry that doing justice for Lake Alice might be being used as a technique to [say] 'we've done justice for Lake Alice survivors, we've done justice for survivors' but the vast majority of survivors were not in Lake Alice."
The water tower at the old Lake Alice Psychiatric Hospital. Photo: RNZ / Jimmy Ellingham
Whatever form a redress system takes, it will have to go through Cabinet, and while advocates speak highly of the lead minister Erica Stanford, they are concerned she will not have the backing of her team.
Stanford told RNZ there had been "extraordinarily good will" to deliver redress on the part of all three coalition parties, it was just going to take time.
"I've been meeting with survivors with Minister [Casey] Costello and Minister [Karen] Chhour and they have had really great feedback and input into this whole process.
"So I'm really confident that we will get to a good position, it's just that we have to work through many, many very complex decisions."
Noonan said it would ultimately be down to political will as to what got across the line.
"I know this minister is trying very hard but she's up against a whole raft of other Cabinet members who have to agree and who don't appear to share her knowledge and understanding of the terrible traumas that these survivors have been through.
"The government is in a position to do whatever it chooses. This is the story of New Zealand governments; they can always find the resources to do what they want to do where there's political will."
Sector leaders will say sorry first thing Tuesday morning before Prime Minister Christopher Luxon makes the official Crown apology and sets out next steps for redress in the House.
'I didn't choose a life of crime, it chose me'
Of all the horrendous abuse in state care over the years, Te Whakapakari boot camp stands out.
Set up in the late 1970s on Auckland's Great Barrier Island, it became the location of "cruel and inhumane" treatment of young offenders and children who were state wards.
Bagley was sent there three times in the late 1990s and around the age of 14 or 15 years old, was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.
"We were lying in the graves while being shot at and that was terrifying. I'd urinated myself in the hole I dug myself."
Bagley said the experiences set him on the wrong path and he felt robbed of the life he could have had.
He had been in and out of prison for years, racking up 167 dishonesty convictions. He is currently serving his 19th sentence for family harm and dishonesty crimes in Otago Corrections Facility.
"If I was an adult and I'm making poor choices that I have made in recent years, that responsibility and accountability is on me," he said.
"But I certainly feel as a young, young child ... I didn't have a choice when I was sent to Great Barrier Island."
Bagley said an apology alone would not cut it.
"If it's just a few words or a letter, it's not enough. For me and many other victims, we would like to see some comfort put back into our lives.
"I live with the results of being let down and slipping through the cracks of not only the justice system, but slipping through the cracks of the Ministry of Social Development.
"I'm living the consequences of not only my actions but the result of the lifestyle that I've adopted or fostered.
"Perhaps, to put it plainly, I didn't choose a life of crime - a life of crime chose me."
Bagley said he lived with the trauma of what he was subjected to on Great Barrier Island.
"We were tortured while in the care of the government and it's affected how I've shown up in life today and I haven't had any real treatment or any help moving forward."
Bagley said his experiences in state care may have instilled a sense of "rebellion", but he would like to break the cycle for his seven girls and four boys back home.
"My children await my return. I'm going to be released in September 2025 and ... this time seems a little different.
"I feel that I've been trying to take accountability and responsibility for my actions. I have a lot going on in my life, even though I'm in prison and it's very routine, I still have a a lot of responsibility out in the community. Having 11 children ... I would like to be able to in some way provide for them."