Five years on from mosque attacks, widows have newfound strength and courage

Nearly five years have passed since the terrorist attacks in Christchurch that killed 51 people.

The families of those who died are learning to live without their loved ones - and some say they have discovered newfound strength and courage.

Widow Amna Ali has completed a diploma in early childhood and an IT certification since the attacks.

Her friend Ambreen Naeem, who lost her husband and son, has gone on to learn to drive and has built her own home.

Mohammad was just six months old when his father, Syed Jahandad Ali, was killed at the Al Noor Mosque in 2019.

Mum Amna Ali said when he asked where his dad was, she explained he is in Jannah, the Arabic word for heaven.

She said it was like her husband was still with her.

"I feel his presence. Also in my ears, I also hear 'I am with you', all the time and 'don't worry, everything will be okay, feel brave and confident every moment of your life, whatever happens'," she told First Up.

It was this voice, she said, that kept her going.

"I did my diploma in Early Childhood Education and I also did [Salesforce Association Certification]. So my graduation is also 15 March. I am very proud of it and I think my husband is also proud of it."

Amna said she planned to pursue a career in IT.

Ambreen Naeem lost her husband Naeem Rashid and eldest son Talha Rashid at Al Noor Mosque.

"I had never imagined that I would drive, but Allah gave me the strength, the confidence. And I always remember the encouragement of my husband," she said.

"I am so grateful to Allah that if he has taken my son and my husband, he has given me lots of other blessings."

She has also designed and built her own home, where her husband and son's university diplomas hang in the living room.

Naeem had a PhD in marketing from Lincoln University, and Talha had completed a Bachelor of Engineering from the University of Canterbury.

The main feature on their wall is the Nishan-e-Shujaat, Pakistan's highest civilian award for bravery. Naeem received it posthumously for tackling the gunman at Al Noor Mosque before being fatally shot.

"There's lots of things in my house that remind me of them... and everything that I think, because my husband was wise, he was wise and he said, always remember his advice and everything."

Last year, one of her other sons got married. The two families had been friends since the Rashids first arrived in New Zealand. Little did they know at the time that the young woman Naeem had been tutoring would go on to marry his son.

"She was Naeem's student and he would give homework to all the children, some assignments, and she was always the first to do them.

"Naeem loved tea. So whenever they would go there, she would say, 'can I make tea for you?'. And he loved her tea," Ambreen said.

The wedding menu featured Naeem's favourite dish, kabuli pulao - steamed rice mixed with caramelised carrots and raisins, topped with marinated lamb meat.

Ambreen said her home was full of love, laughter and people. One of Naeem's nephews and his children were staying with them at the moment.

When she was not busy at home, she helped out in the community - just the way her husband would have liked it, she said.

"The first day it happened, I thought that I have to take revenge and the best revenge is not to be like your enemy. So this is my revenge, and my son, he completed his bachelors, his masters.

"My younger son, he's so resilient. He's getting lots of certificates for enthusiasm, determination... He's above average in all his academic [work]."

Amna said the events of 15 March had given her more courage than ever before.

"I am very strong now. This life is temporary. We have to, everyone has to leave. I know we will meet together again in the Jannah.

"I think I'll just hug them tightly. Yeah, I can't explain that feeling. Words can't express that thing. So I'll just hug them... and I think maybe cry."